Saturday, February 18, 2012
Commercial summary 15
Nobody would drink Crystal Light otherwise, but maybe your plane will crash.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
The price of science
My computer's task bar started doing this
weird flickering thing at odd intervals for the last week. At first I thought it
was some technological entity trying to figure out how to communicate with me or maybe a human consciousness uploaded onto the internet attempting to get my
attention. But after a few days, I realized it was only happening when my
myspace player was open.
I am not
particularly ashamed that I use myspace to listen to music until I hopefully
get the artists' real albums for Christmas or something. Much like
facebook, it is the internet equivalent of a cursed ship that can never sink
because the passengers have filled it with their own precious content, and as
long as I can listen to music from albums by Discovery and Star[fudger] and
Astronautalis or just tracks I'll download from amazon one by one whenever I
get a free mp3 credit from artists like Cadence Weapon or Tender Forever or Fol
Chen or Jaguar Love or Parenthetical Girls or Viva Voce.
But now I'm just listing great gift ideas
for that special me in your life. The point is, my taskbar is behaving
oddly because my laptop is trying to warn me that Justin Timberlake is
accessing my personal information to create fake myspace accounts to
hornswoggle potential investors.
Labels: gift ideas, myspace, singularity
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Sometimes I miss it
Alright, losers who make these, welcome me to your loser society.
Labels: bad hair, bums, chumps, losers, slobs, slovenly useless wretches, unemployment
Thursday, February 09, 2012
Cool mob ideas
I came up with this cool idea for if I was in the mob and there was this guy I didn't like and I wanted him or her to be dead. I would have a big contest for all the people I knew and I would make sure this guy enters. See, the contest is going to be rigged. The prize would be a lifetime supply of something cool, like Mexican pizza. I'm pretty sure mob guys like authentic Mexican Pizza. Or maybe Ding Dongs. Anyway, the prize would be a lifetime supply of this thing. Then I would rig the contest so the guy I wanted to be "offed" (killed) would win. And there'd be this big ceremony and everyone in town would show up because I'm this big mob guy and they are freaking terrified of me. And so I'd declare the winner, and this big truck would pull up and I'd say here's your lifetime supply of Mexican Pizza/Ding Dongs! And there would be tons of confetti and it would be quite the spectacle. And then I'd open up this truck so everyone could see, and inside there would be just three of it. And then this guy would be like, "Oh no, I really screwed up and now I'm going to be killed in three days." And everyone else would be like "Oh man, that guy must've really screwed up and now he's going to be killed in three days and also I was probably invited here to make sure that I don't help this guy or else I am in deep yogurt too!" And I would just smile and pretend I was this magnanimous contest host that wasn't about to have a guy killed in three days and inside I'd be thinking "You're going to be a dead guy, you turd!"
Also, my mob would have a boombox that plays that song from The Untouchables where the brass goes "WAAH WAH WAAAAH" all the time.
Also, my mob would have a boombox that plays that song from The Untouchables where the brass goes "WAAH WAH WAAAAH" all the time.
Labels: dingdongs, mexican pizza, mob ideas, trombone music
Sunday, February 05, 2012
Super commercial summary extravaglanza
Labels: commercials, experiments, superbowl, twitter, typos
