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Wow it's a recipe! Take a back seat, savory and umami teeth, it's the sweet tooth's turn for a treat, my famous Fruit Bat Cookies, brought to you by DC's new film, The Batman, rated PG-13 for strong violent and disturbing content, drug content, strong language, and partial nudity. In theaters now!*
*the movie, not the cookies : (
To start, grab some dried pineapple and mango. Make sure to get cooking dried mango, not snacking dried mango, the yummy strips that look like somebody peeled apart a delicious orange tennis shoe! I've never baked that type of mango, but I have baked a tennis shoe, so just make sure you've got the right one just in case, okay?
Now grab a knife, like a criminal might have in The Batman, and chop up your tasty dried fruit into little bits, like a criminal might want to do to the Batman in The Batman.
Perfect!
Once you've got a heaping 1/3rds cup of dried pineapple and mango, set it aside and check to see how well the butter I should've told you to set over the oven preheating to 375 degrees fahrenheit, or 5/9ths of that celsius, give or take 18 degrees.
Looks like it's melting pretty good, maybe too good? Should it have melted that much? Is the oven okay? I hope your oven's okay!
Now you'll need a teaspoon of baking soda, 1 and half cups of flour, and 1 cup of buckwheat flour. Buckwheat flour is like tougher, meaner flour that makes pancakes need 3 times as much syrup to eat. It's exactly the kind of flour the Batman would have his butler, the Alfred, use in the kitchen of his house, the Wayne Manor.
Now you'll need the most important ingredients, a teaspoon of vanilla and a chicken egg. Crack the chicken egg and stir in the vanilla in a way that breaks that yoke to make it a uniform brownish yellow glop.
Now we're going to make it even fruiter! Put one packet each of strawberry and tropical punch fruit drink powder into your flour mix.
I recommend using unexpired fruit drink mix from brands that have existed this century, but if there's no expiration date printed, it must be good forever! That's just the law.
Now mix everything you've made so far together in a bowl real good and dump it out onto a flat surface to begin to turn it into cookies, because it's dough now.
The flat surface will be a big help as you try to flatten out your dough, trust me!
Now grab a bat-shaped cookie cutter. These aren't so easy to find outside of holidays such as Hallowe'en and Christmas that heavily feature bat imagery, but I imagine they should be easier to find right now while everyone is excited for The Batman in theaters!
Hopefully your bat cookie cutter isn't one of those terrible thin plastic 70's ones with the back side covered where you have to try to peel the dough back out and it doesn't work! If it is, you'll just have to do your best!
My best is okayish! Once all the dough is in little bat-shapes, bake them for about 10 minutes in that oven you had preheating. Keep an eye on them, I'm a little worried about that oven.
When they're done they should look a little like this and be just as delicious! Make sure to let them cool for a few minutes before you put them in your gullet and to go see The Batman, starring Robert Pattinson and Zoë Kravitz, only in theaters!
Labels: delicious recipes
1. Space Billionaire
Grab a coverall with a patch or two on it and some monopoly money, and get ready to run into some people wearing the same costume! If there's one idea from a list on a website that says "I am aware of and enjoy the dark irony of how the people who have the power to stop our planet from becoming uninhabitable are the kind of people who decide to take the more lucrative route of controlling the means of escaping said planet," this would be it!
2. A bunch of red flags
Your costume doesn't have to be based on unique or particularly creative memes to show you're unique and particularly creative enough to tap into the zeitgeist by looking at a list on a website! Go to the hardware store and grab some flags! People will definitely love having you shouting opinions you don't like while waving a bunch of these little flags at them all spooky night!
3. The guy from Octopus Teacher
That's right, when it comes to costumes ideas thesee days, the place to turn is
neflix a list on a website! Remember My Octopus Teacher? And how we all watched it back in 2020? And how we skipped Hallowe'en in 2020 and time has accordioned in our pandemic-warped brains? Well, you can be the
Octopus Teacher!
4. It was smart to scroll further down! Maybe some people at the party have some digging work being done in their neighborhood and stopped reading at the flag costume! They won't know you used a list on a website to help you realize that the perfect timely costume for this year is, of course to be a character from that squid game:
5. Maga insurrectionist
Can you believe there hasn't been a Hallowe'en since January!? Expect a lot of people to say "Hahaha, oh yeah, I'd forgotten about that," whether by being totally overwhelmed, as a convenient lie in their quest for power, or simply being so inept they didn't even think to read a list on a website!
MILKBOY IS TRYING TO PROTECT US FROM THE COWSHED CRUSHER...
MILKBOY!
NO MILKBOY! YOU'LL DIE!
IF THE COWSHED CRUSHER CRUSHES THE COWSHED, YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO HARVEST MILK.
MILKBOY HAS TO MAKE MILK OR ELSE WE CAN'T DELIVER MILK TO EVERYONE...
MILKBOY!
MILKBOY!
A man in a lab coat has Jon Gruden drive a car over some spikes while he sits in the passenger seat holding a tablet with an antenna on it. Jon Gruden yells at a tire.
A living crash test dummy shows a man a video of a woman watching a video and then leaps out of a plane.
