Gug's House

Lysol wants to make sure your family never has to touch a "germy pump" again.

 First, take some sausage links and chop them up into some kind of mush.
 Now take some big ol' slices of chorizo and do the same thing to them.
 Mush it up!
 Now take a jalapeño out.
I'm pretty sure this is a jalapeño, at least.  Anyway, whatever kind of pepper you end up with, mush it up too.
I'm "seeing red!"
Now put some buttgerine in a pan that is on top of some fire flames.
Now get some lemon zest into there.  Be careful, my Pepap taught me you can get way too much lemon zest going on.While you do it, try to take a picture of yourself doing it.  It's not so easy now, is it?
Squirt some hot sauce on that to taste.
You might as well get that water in a pot on the stove heating up if you haven't already.
Now to add a little more heat, get a little bag of Flamin' Hot Cheetos.  They are so tasty.
Turn it upside down so you don't feel like you're beating Chester while you crush all the Cheetos.
I recommend giving it a bunch of hard whacks, and then sort of grinding at it like you're using a pestle.
Pour it on and it'll look like this before you mix it.
CRACK DAT EGG ON IT.
It looks like this now, and your pot should be about at boiling if you haven't been watching.
Put the soba noodles into the pot of boiling water for six or seven minutes.
Now add a heaping tablespoon of delicious chocolate frosting to your sausage.
Sorry the picture's blurry, I had shaky hands from low blood sugar from only eating a pop tart all day.  Anyway, that'll be really thick, so add some red cooking wine.
Looks like I'm "seeing red again!"
Once your soba noodles are ready, get them in a colander or some other straining device.
Now you've got some nice, strained, filling soba noodles to add your sausage to!
But I said it's a party, didn't I?  And it's not a party without s'mores, right?  So sprinkle it with chocolate bar pieces, marshmallows, and graham cracker crumbs!
It reminds me of my Grandma's famous apple graveyard salad.
You bet I'm gonna have mine with Koolaid!

Labels: chevelle, delicious recipes

I'm on a swing!

 Cut it up into, well, it's still pepperoni.
 Next chop up some onion.  Not too much, mind you.
 Okay, I don't like pickles, but I really wanted this sauce to be authentic Italian.
 Evviva l'Italia!  Now put some margarine or butters in a pan on mediumish heat.
 Put some minced garlic on the butter for goodness' sake!
 Add those things from your primo Italian cutting board onto that butter or margarines.  At this point it will start to get really aromatic.  Feel free to take a little time to pat yourself on the back!
Now it's time to add the important Italian spices!
 Here's what it looks like in the pan with that chili powder and pumpkin pie spice!  I might have used a lot of Pumpkin Pie Spice, but I'll let you use it "to taste."
 Add one tablespoon. apple butter (or apple margarine).  This is special Gegel apple butter that my sister made, but yours might be okay.
 Now add a half tablespoon. of nutella brand nutella, or any other cocoa-y hazelnut spread you like.  Hey, wait, this seems really thick, Josh!
Don't worry, that's what this rice milk is for!
 Rice Dream, the Rice Milk that rhymes with ice cream!®
 Now it should look just like a delicious spaghetti sauce!
 Now crack an uovo on that.
 Add your noodles and mix things in nice.
 Finally sprinkle with parmigiana and pecans.

Serve with some nice homemade bread!  Yum!

Labels: delicious recipes

I'm going to use this article from my sister's issue of TIME that she left at the apartment about romance novels to check which qualities that women are looking for fit me.  I'm going to pull words phrases from it and make a list and then see which ones fit me.  Here's a link to a PDF of the article, albeit maybe not legally http://xa.yimg.com/kq/groups/17553586/1204987445/name/Time%20Article%20Hardy%20Man%20Good%20to%20Find%20Dec%205%202011.pdf (Hi there, SOPA.)

PHRASE FROM ARTICLE	ME
“macho”	no
“romantic”	no
“Uniformly Hot!”	No!
“rugged workingman appeal”	raggedy workingman appeal
“hunky”	no
“exceedingly hardy in an economic frost”	…okay, this one was actually supposed to describe romance novel sales.
“ripped”	no fissures, just hemorrhoids
“men who work with their hands and not with their minds”	YES!
“knows the taste of sacrifice, suffering, and duty”	hahaha no.
“real-life heroes, especially military and ex-military heroes”	no
“handsome”	no
“muscular, tattoed back”	no, no (but I do have a back!)
“strength”	no
“safety”	no
“military-grade sex”	no, unless “military-grade” means “is fine without”
“decent”	sure!
“sooty daredevil”	If I ever look sooty, it is something sewage-related.
“Navy SEAL”	no
“will stick by you if you get breast cancer”	Yes!  I will even stick with you if I get breast cancer!
“Immortals”	No indications otherwise!
“a look that’s part wooing, part warning”	Maybe the latter
“courageous”	no
“committed”	We’ve all heard this joke enough.
“rescues women in peril”	no
“nothing took him by surprise, ever”	no
“never had any friends”	Okay, you caught me again, this one’s way out of context.
“half 1,000-year-old-Viking, half Navy SEAL”	78% water
“red-blooded male”	YES!
“lowers his buff-colored jumpsuit past the glistening slabs of his abdominal muscles.”	no on glistening, no on abdominal muscles, but I have a red-colored jumpsuit
“looks like what vets put on a dog”	probably?

Labels: being unattractive, glistening slabs, TIME

Words starting in S-T that describe our government	Words starting in S-T that do not describe it our government
Stagnant	Stellar
Stuttering	Stalinism
Struggling	Streamlined
Standstill	Stromboli
Strangled	Stalactite
Stilted	Steeplejack
Staccato	Starfish
Stalemate	Stubbly
State	Stinkbug
Static	Stratocumulus
Sterile	Stapler
Strained	Streptococcal
Structured	Stepdad
Stuck	Stripperella
Stumbling	Stupendous
Stooge	Stretchy
Stationary	Stationery

Words starting in S-T that no longer describe our government

Strommy

Words starting in S-T that describe the Grinch

Stink

Stank

Stonk

Labels: helpful information, Strommy, tables